Post Mortem

Sorry love
I don't think you've learnt to care enough

I am in the brink of elimination
you don't need me, merely
I can not be of a valued asset of any form
I am not useful to you any more
Replaceable
Recyclable
Dolls on your rack
One of them that you practice your lies on -


I can not forget how cold you were


Sorry for putting you in the wrong position
fixing you there and just there but nothing else
it was my fault
stubborn, I stomped, yelped, and begged
for nothing near as desired
for more pain in the box
for unnecessary agony



I have lost my trust on you

no, they don't come with heavy emotion swings
only calm observations
I've learnt you in a new light and
it seems that I have slowly lost interest on you
just like how you lost interest in me
those days it seemed different
I wonder, how and why


I can not forget how cold you were


Show me
show me that you've given up on us
at least I'm right on this
at least I am


Fly, baby
fly and never come back
I have been selfish all along
please go
whatever makes you happy
whatever you want

Inspiration

Dear someone,

I remember how I used to just look at you
silently
on the seat beside

I remembered them details, delicate
how your lashes looked, not exactly long, but thick they were
how your face has not the smoothest skin,
but having irregular breakouts spread uneven
how you looked tan after a day under the sun
the contour of your face, so that I could gauge
how much weight you've lost -

I was careful of not having you to notice
that I was stealing looks on you
at times, I wish that I could look straight into your eyes when you look up
and give you a smile so sincere -
like every time I do

Not an act that I would imagine having it done on you
after few weeks of the unstable vibes
but at that moment I felt peace
for you are in peace, as I am



I remember-
before I left you to my vehicle
you were talking to me, you were relaxed and happy
your words have became a melody to me - yes, I was listening

It's just one of those moments that I find you beautiful
despite the fact that I noticed that your upper spread of teeth is reshaping its existence now, after years of orthodontics
and I find you cuter that way, anyway

I love to see you and your flaws
Nobody shall demand for perfection
and that is part of you that makes me fall for

I loved it too when we connected in our own ways
no extra words were needed
if you have never liked me before
I guess that's what you liked - our connection
how I would define intimacy
how I would say is special between us
what I look forward to,
whenever we meet

I realized that I am much in love with you
not returned in that way but
it is no more a mere like between that
I love you,
you can laugh at me,
or shun at my actions

I have yet to feel such freedom for a while
Finally, I get to admit to the point that I've fallen for you



I got to go, love.
I will be fine, you don't have to look for me.
If you will, I will assume that you're trying to please me - which you do not want to, and it is also something that I do not wish to gain from you too.
(You know that better than I do)
I wish I could shower you with my interpretation of affection,
to kiss and to cuddle, to squeeze a little
It went out of hand, you know why, even I was in denial at a point, what more you?

I love you.
Promise me you'll be fine.

Love.

Intimacy

I share the same bed as you
virtually
you were lying beside me
quietly

as if we were lifeless, inanimate objects
I share my sheer distance with you
Our relationship was then established


I can reach you as I reached my hand out
it didn't have to be far away, fully extended
I can hug you tight
squeeze your fat
play with your hair
give you a peck - just a playful one maybe

I feel that I am comfortable with you
physical expressions would be surpassed
all that is between us
I love you
I felt it mutual
just not at the right time
therefore I couldn't
therefore other worldly matters sipped in
those coined the term: distraction

I feel you, close to my heart
I see you smile from afar
Your warmth exuded



You are my intimacy



One day,
a mandatory order was sentenced
production of love should be ceased at this point onward
until the patient gets fully recovered -
nobody knew what was best for all
we were all selfish bastards

"I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles"




Love -
you are so much to me
yet there is so much of you that I have to take in
so much that I have forgotten what it takes to be myself


Tell me, I have impaired vision
that I had an illusion
of how your eyes looked sorry
when I tried to recall our senses

...I haven't forgotten
how close we used to be

tell me that I'm wrong
tell me something