freely

as I was waiting, 

I picked up flowers spotted at the courtyard, left it on the table

they fell from the sky, probably somewhere up there

things I do to remember moments 

you were late, you notified

the pet clinic was crowded because it was a holiday the next day

I waited, and then I saw you

with a new hair colour, I remembered

though it didn't strike as sharp as a topic starter

you were nervous, you looked at the floor

so was I, pretending that I didn't see you

you wore your cap

you had only let down your hair when you are comfortable

then you sat opposite me

you got food, we warmed up slowly - about an hour

before we talked about our purpose of meeting

you were operating in a highly anxious mode

constantly solving problems

before we went into it, you were comfortable enough to take a 5 second eyes off moment

it is true that I do not know you well - as I observe, I realised

when we talked about it, you were focused

there wasn't much room to commune and communicate

it didn't feel like it was mutual, the showing up for each other

perhaps at that point of time, boundaries were already set 

I was disappointed

you were prepared to be distant; or at least, not on my side

but my nature was still the same

I quickly took in all you expressed 

and I wasn't able to fend for myself

it was a messy talk, we both tried

even that, amongst it all

I was glad that you sat next to me while we did it

I think, that was part of what was real for the both of us

I should have known that it is out of your capacity 

everything that I imagined to be

yet, I'm thankful for our encounter

I've never met anyone like you before - just like how you once told me

I guess, I am naturally more liberal than you are

or more attuned to myself

it is fine that you couldn't meet me at where I am, I accept it

and I shall slowly step away, and let time tell

I thought to myself, you made time to dye your hair 

           (which you always do at that time of the year)

you made time to watch a friend perform

you posted them on your socials

            I simply wasn't prioritised

that is your choice

I hope those moments shared are those that you keep with you

it's okay if I am not aware 

I will keep my truths to myself

thank you for being my unacknowledged spectrum friend

thank you for sharing little moments with me

you're such a darn-ed person, that is why everyone loves you

no - I don't have to own you despite that

I thank you for allowing, albeit briefly 

you don't have to be too careful

if my absence can take away that

I would dim down to make it easier for you

I'm not being selfish

I guess that's how I love

freely