repair and recovery

 I kissed your neck a couple of times

            soft, sensual, instinctual

            traced my tongue around yours ears

and halt

My senses returned - this was uncalled for. You expressed feeling violated

            this was already established - no touch

            my heart sank

            I had no means to cause hurt

I apologised, profusely. You held me close, forgave me quickly

            put it on the drinks, you said

            we are now fair, you said

            it didn't go too far, we acknowledged

            

            tucked my hair back to my left ear

            we hugged, so closely

            as I felt ashamed and ugly, you were there with me

            facing my demons

It is okay, I told myself

            that I am rejected, made a mistake, yet still have you around

            poor baby, my poor one

            threading through messiness and mistakes

            after all that we've done

my hands on your knees

seated on the floor, we were

our legs stretched out, we sat opposite each other, with you 45 degrees to my right, your legs pointed towards me

space filled by our friends, people we hold dear

I know who they were, but I couldn't see their faces

I only see you

you were there, present

we acknowledge the temporal space

you were smiling, listening

as I shared about how surreal it was 

you agreed

we were in the same space

we shared the same frequency

you comfort so effortlessly

it was perhaps a 5-minute rapid eye movement

before we part 

I caressed your knees, perhaps your sheen

that was me reciprocating 

that was me expressing gratitude

that was me, uninhibited 

and I woke, knowing that you replied a text

I read it, confidently - one of those moments where it didn't miss

I continued to tell you about the dream - my hunch was trying to preserve it as much as I could,

    and I decided to do that by sharing that with you

I actually wish that I could do it without shame

     saying to you that I recognise your soul and I will remember you for a very long time

     in the most direct, as is manner

it wasn't meant to be shared to reveal

it was my truth, and it is

and every time I see you, the nuances of your smile - together with mine

moves my heart, even when you don't see it