regulate

eyes shut glazed light

I listen to you breathe

        your ribcage expand, trachea glistened 

I wiggled my arm

"stay",  you said

we hugged

fingertips against your skin    

desire, traced

but my dear one        you are cherished

and when we finally moved out of that equation 

midnight moonrise

I turned on the light            disoriented

I said to you

I too worry that I'd be destabilised, away from you

all I feel is that creeping attachment

wanting to be next to you

inseparable

you suggested for supper

a walk out in the middle of the night

my gut says to move around and ground

and I thank you for responding to that 

through and through I knew we needed time to trust 

that I knew you are vulnerable

and that I too am, allowing myself to participate

but in motion, we move

in motion, we heal

in motion, we grow

in motion, we let loose

thank you 

for regulating us

in ways you never thought would work

bring back my bonny to me

My body calls for me

        "come back"

over and over again

as I maxed the vibrator 

as I climaxed over and over with sweat, sticky skin

while my fantasies, exercised

perhaps one of my most natural gifts

she kept calling - come back

after multiple arches

when I released on the toilet bowl

the pelvic floor muscles were still operating in rhythm

        "welcome back to your body," she said

yes captain,

welcome back

I got out of my head,

back to my body

and I'm free again

in all honesty,

I wish to have this physical experience shared 

with you

would I

craving an extra doze of you

my senses     engulfing

the tonality of your voice    how you speak

your brown palms, stubby fingers

your soul that I thought I saw with my blurred vision

I tried registering it all 

the physical

spiritual

hints of where we've met, and clicked

finding traces of our memory

for I fear that I will forget once again

if I knew you couldn't meet me

would I?