another hundred people

a city of strangers

for no one knew my little secret was to be there to meet you

you know

of all the RPGs I like to play, my favourite would from the third person perspective

that is why I think this song syncs so much in me

so much


it was slightly uncomfortable to be there alone

for I could hear a voice telling me off - reaffirming that it is for myself

that I appear amongst another hundred people in a city like Taipei


we would text to meet and I would find out what is it like to be socially adaptable

meeting you in a foreign land

with butterflies in my stomach

to welcome you as prince charming



how odd it is to be linked by an oboe

in the park...

oh no, it's just me

delusional



thank you for the park

and the subway

I think we had fun

and we lived the moment

it had long gone and I could have clung onto it for a little longer



perhaps one day it'll be natural

look, I'll call you in the morning or my service will explain

Cinderella

between you and I was a piece of fabric

     snugged us warm and kept us apart

like a comforter over our naked bodies 

slipped between the hours of twilight

a certain temperature

a moment of peace

except that when I took my foot out of the boot

there you lay, upside down

thorax exposed

in a split second I wished you were a moth

regretfully, there were no wing spotted

brown and ugly

almost motionless 

I flipped you out with disgust

you wiggled through my toes

to the side of my foot

I thought I could push you out like a shoe string

it was raining cats and dogs 

almost unavoidable 

I could imagine fluid squished 

nevermind

between you and I was a piece of fabric

     snugged us warm and kept us apart

destruction

I'm sorry I couldn't be attractive in your eyes

I'm sorry I've never came to be desirable

I'm sorry that you couldn't always be here for me

it lurks and never goes away

there must be something wrong with my nose

it must be very ugly


I'm sorry to ring your bell at three

I'm sorry to take up your space to sleep

I'm sorry to rob of your experience you're meant to share with another

I'm sorry I couldn't be a person dear to you


I'm sorry you had to accept my affection

I'm sorry you couldn't do that with a smile

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you everything afterall

I'm sorry I couldn't hurt you to protect myself



I'm sorry I couldn't share your joy

I'm sorry I threw my fat on you

I'm sorry you got impatient with me

I'm sorry you had to put yourself through this

I'm sorry I got worse in communicating

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you how much it hurts

I'm sorry you had to go through the process of abandoning



I'm sorry

I could only say I'm sorry

the other side

in the other realm, 

you were not a musician

there wasn't any channel, nor vehicle

there was only you

you were mischievous, as who you are

you stood behind an old wooden bar

      your hands, and the smell of dirt

      covered with soil, one that gives birth to life

you weren't really smiling

you were just being

and I remember you

my soul did

I just wondered why

was it your face that I saw

quiver

a double-boiled weight released from an infinite space

a space where only I am found

it floats quietly

      layer wrapping chaos

we co-exist in the white, infinite walls

talking in silence




my feelings are always enwrapped in a bullet shell

all the more intense and genuine

it is often powerfully perceived as a creation

but often handled with lack of caution

messy, mistreated

I feel helpless as I could never have it conveyed

as I struggle with accuracy

via modern language

to realize

this gift of sensation that I wish to give back in the form of love

will take a light year to reach you




I seek to unite

moments we claim to lock in due to dawn

I heard when your soul spoke to me

gentle, yet brave

indeed you gave, fragments I tend to seek in the dark

as I cry, I answered to your howl

as I cry, I answered to your call




I wish you knew how much I see

how beautiful you lay

how soft and faint my heart beats in front of you






and all of that

for a quiver of breath to fetch

overflow

sweet sweet sorrow overflow

with sweaty palms, so cold

you touched

and i flinched

      mere electric jolt

bold as i thought

      we were not




sweet sweet sorrow overflow

we don't die young, truth unfold

screech it went

the plat tremors

quiver in pain as it weep

when the waves consolidate



sweet sweet sorrow overflow

like a song

endless crippling

before long-gone

cure

after writing you a letter

i would cure it

be it having dust collected on the surface of lead

and paper bleached a thousand times

or soaking my words legit into its meanings


i would cure it

just so it's will be delivered with the right flavour

served with sealing wax


i would cure it

so my thoughts are settled on the light weight ground of its existence

so it will warm you even in summer

or with snow     wherever part of the globe you may be



i would cure it

for it is raw and it breathes air