destruction

I'm sorry I couldn't be attractive in your eyes

I'm sorry I've never came to be desirable

I'm sorry that you couldn't always be here for me

it lurks and never goes away

there must be something wrong with my nose

it must be very ugly


I'm sorry to ring your bell at three

I'm sorry to take up your space to sleep

I'm sorry to rob of your experience you're meant to share with another

I'm sorry I couldn't be a person dear to you


I'm sorry you had to accept my affection

I'm sorry you couldn't do that with a smile

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you everything afterall

I'm sorry I couldn't hurt you to protect myself



I'm sorry I couldn't share your joy

I'm sorry I threw my fat on you

I'm sorry you got impatient with me

I'm sorry you had to put yourself through this

I'm sorry I got worse in communicating

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you how much it hurts

I'm sorry you had to go through the process of abandoning



I'm sorry

I could only say I'm sorry

the other side

in the other realm, 

you were not a musician

there wasn't any channel, nor vehicle

there was only you

you were mischievous, as who you are

you stood behind an old wooden bar

      your hands, and the smell of dirt

      covered with soil, one that gives birth to life

you weren't really smiling

you were just being

and I remember you

my soul did

I just wondered why

was it your face that I saw

quiver

a double-boiled weight released from an infinite space

a space where only I am found

it floats quietly

      layer wrapping chaos

we co-exist in the white, infinite walls

talking in silence




my feelings are always enwrapped in a bullet shell

all the more intense and genuine

it is often powerfully perceived as a creation

but often handled with lack of caution

messy, mistreated

I feel helpless as I could never have it conveyed

as I struggle with accuracy

via modern language

to realize

this gift of sensation that I wish to give back in the form of love

will take a light year to reach you




I seek to unite

moments we claim to lock in due to dawn

I heard when your soul spoke to me

gentle, yet brave

indeed you gave, fragments I tend to seek in the dark

as I cry, I answered to your howl

as I cry, I answered to your call




I wish you knew how much I see

how beautiful you lay

how soft and faint my heart beats in front of you






and all of that

for a quiver of breath to fetch

overflow

sweet sweet sorrow overflow

with sweaty palms, so cold

you touched

and i flinched

      mere electric jolt

bold as i thought

      we were not




sweet sweet sorrow overflow

we don't die young, truth unfold

screech it went

the plat tremors

quiver in pain as it weep

when the waves consolidate



sweet sweet sorrow overflow

like a song

endless crippling

before long-gone

cure

after writing you a letter

i would cure it

be it having dust collected on the surface of lead

and paper bleached a thousand times

or soaking my words legit into its meanings


i would cure it

just so it's will be delivered with the right flavour

served with sealing wax


i would cure it

so my thoughts are settled on the light weight ground of its existence

so it will warm you even in summer

or with snow     wherever part of the globe you may be



i would cure it

for it is raw and it breathes air

Pete and Björk

I was walking to you instinctively

light and cheery

as you lazed at the sofa

smiling to me



our first kiss took place in a dream

you leaned as I sat beside

when it happened

it was soft, and tender

a manisfestation of sensual beings

as we explore

in the form of the physical



you were gentle



it was magic





we had more

with a level of intensity

it didn't even felt odd

when you spat bodily fluid

both yours and mine, on your palm

when we finally gasped for air




such synchronicity

you and I

was our first kiss

real life

I cry when I turn away

from greeting a shiba I met over the car window


I cry when I hear her say

she's going to hitch hike tomorrow


I cry on bed when I thought I lost somebody

soon as I wake up to that twilight breeze





Moments that I thought I could own freely

slipped through my fingers

as I owned all that I wish

ever so indirectly