anonymity

a pet ground hog for a keep

limited to only a vertical posed stance

stylized  messages

stories I desire to tell

    my outward presentation

    who do I speak to / who do I owe my expression to




none.





I fell in love, as permitted

with a blend of the dark and fair

regardless, a pure blood / hybrid

when we touch I swore

I ran a hundred thousand miles per second





If only we were given a sky

I would let my horses gallop

my sheep wander

to tough terrains

steep, angled stones

that was why we met


that only moment shared




let me illuminate your sea of black

like those creatures

no name to be consumed

no face to be remembered

Sense of Self

The perpetuator never takes account of his own misdoings.

We are all mindful of who takes credit on what's rightful, or wrong -

If you've made a mistake,

would you apologize to another?

If so, would that be even sincere in the first place?

Which party are you intending to persecute?

Would you rather have it pent up in your external shell now and turn to God for repentance after?

Isn't that too convenient for one?



What is the 'love' for 'peace', minimizing confrontation or even the notion of being asked to 'chill' in this context?

You are just weak and unable to criticize yourself in front of the public. Why can't you just choose to be open about weaknesses. So much about constructive advice, you can not practice what you preach.

Such a weakling.

You work on superficiality instead, given the choice.


Most importantly,

nobody chose to have that pointed out.

Hence labelled as fools (maybe not sinners), rather than victims.


Wait, what was your intention again?

Post Mortem

Sorry love
I don't think you've learnt to care enough

I am in the brink of elimination
you don't need me, merely
I can not be of a valued asset of any form
I am not useful to you any more
Replaceable
Recyclable
Dolls on your rack
One of them that you practice your lies on -


I can not forget how cold you were


Sorry for putting you in the wrong position
fixing you there and just there but nothing else
it was my fault
stubborn, I stomped, yelped, and begged
for nothing near as desired
for more pain in the box
for unnecessary agony



I have lost my trust on you

no, they don't come with heavy emotion swings
only calm observations
I've learnt you in a new light and
it seems that I have slowly lost interest on you
just like how you lost interest in me
those days it seemed different
I wonder, how and why


I can not forget how cold you were


Show me
show me that you've given up on us
at least I'm right on this
at least I am


Fly, baby
fly and never come back
I have been selfish all along
please go
whatever makes you happy
whatever you want

False Images

Sorry, I stepped on your finger

sorry, I brushed the cuffs of your jeans

sorry, I thought you were listening

I didn't mean it, I mean, going all overboard



This girl needs a weight carrier

even more than she thought of

I mean no harm to anyone

I guest it is better to stay alone, in my burrow

where I and only I belong



Did someone say I was trying too hard

this time

Did anyone said I am too attached to a thought

though I am trying to let it fly high

into the sky



I let myself lose

No you shouldn't take it like how I do because

it's just not going to sink and resolve that way

Leave me,

as soon as you can

You'll never want to see this,

you do not even deserve this, no one does



These delusions I realize -

I didn't mean it

I'm sorry

please leave-

Physical

A hug is what I can give

as innate, as sincere as it sounds

no matter how much it is twisted and manipulated by the others


I agreed when you said that you are a giver

for I had the same thought of myself, once, in space

sounds like a layer, peeled and reoccurred


I do not crave for love

as much as I love to be warmth and embraced

as much ideas and thoughts of romance I'd like to put into play

No

I couldn't give in

simply because I am unlike you

Subconsciously fitting in gaps each being could do so, for you

beans for breakfast, lotus for lunch,

soup for supper?

I am a fool, I'd say

so is it true that I have nothing to lose at all?



So what - about that

it all sums of love and affection

it was all gray though

I couldn't get by the emitted melancholy

It breaks me to read between the lines

process what happened, and what is happening

to conclude that our actions do not tally with words

    words that came into the picture eventually



I wish to just not see you

for the moment

so that I could find more of myself

if you have proved me wrong that it is not worthy to fight for




In need of a downpour,
wake me up if you hear the birds chirping to your ears.

Interference

Father in purple robe

Christmas hymns

Rewarded reverb from the built of surface

interference


Morphic resonance

I saw you somewhere not far away

I thought I experienced

What it is like to have you around

Is it still in my system?

interference


Times like this I feel suffocated

My indulgence for self righteousness (as quoted)

Is when my actions could be quantified

I get obsessed with numbers

Such assurance I am satisfied with - a mere variable

interference


I remember how late I found out

My feelings for a subject

You - in this case

When it doesn't really matter

At this moment

interference


I feel like the state is eating itself

Outside in

I am eventually to be engulfed

To the non-existent

interference


Now what is my purpose

of my actions

Do they have to be justifiable -

My being in this realm

interference

Concentric.

Freud says I can't let it pass, still.

Hence what happened.

How can I take one - not seriously

when I was made a fool back then

there were a lot of fingers

one spot light

a girl on the ground

so many of them talking

ids, egos and superegos intersect

It was noisy and chaotic

all she needed was just a chill,

was that so?

Was that so?

Feelings.

Why are you crying, baby.



You are weeping non-stop.



I didn't quite remember actually.




Of all I tried, all I gave,... I was being very careful, I was doing what I wanted to, and what I didn't want to. I guess it takes two to be artificial. I feel like breaking it, and just walk away, walk away from it. It's so much easier.


Its embarrassing. I had to give up. Its a shame. I can't have it solved.
Are you telling me that I'm running away from it?
You do not even fathom how much this was punched in.
All I can do is to withdraw, so that I do not put myself in agony.
And then when it went away for awhile, I will collect my will to move forward,
...not to love you again,
I just want to make things right... least that I can do before I leave,
least that I can do before I leave... where ever it is.








Trying to forget my feelings of love.
wish I've never lived this long
hope it'll never come again
Like I've never lost you
and ...like I've never really had you

Shout.

As uncivilised as it seems,
I feel like shouting to you...
through the hills
through the thin walls
through some hundred miles
through the virtual space


It is like a market place as we dwell;
when I intended to respond to you,
I masked it with my sight, my movement, my volume
...but my tone stays the same
only for you to read no more.


So much left disorganized in between
so much pile of waste
pollution
scribbles
junk
ashes


How could darkness be defined so meticulously,
as compared to the light I saw.

Please forgive my barbaric actions.

...for I want to be heard.

Greenbelt.

I wonder if I was like a summer breeze,
if I had kept you warm,
and if I had softly leave.


How am I supposed to run free without having you intervened.



I had already lost you; having fragments died off, too.
What more is left to be fear of, you see.
It was long gone.
You were long gone.

Stifled Platform 8.

No more than the last moment it tried - to speak,
She broke down onto four, on the ground,
trying to balance herself in one piece.

Was it too much of a strain, that she had been holding on,
clinging on so tightly,
...no,
she had let herself absolute power to her feelings, to her senses,
...the shield was built involuntarily.

Shattered in front of herself,
is what she is accounted for, a responsibility.
That was a message, actually.



***



I woke from the sun light
caressing gently on my skin
what was the texture that I felt on my fingertips
what was I holding

Oh
it was a sheet of tissue
sloppy, it was
Didn't I remember
it wasn't months ago
more likely
...freshly brewed

I tried to travel through time
and space
wasn't it a light year
wasn't it between cultures
wasn't it a tunnel of pesky roaches
but
all I got was to be disoriented

Much that I found out,
I am stuck in this depiction of a song could be sung,
how... tender it used to sound.

Either way my love,
I will be daunted.

"...running and...
Like a river that can't find the sea,
that would be me
without you my Dindi ..."

Subjective Clouds.

If only I could always stand far away and observe,
if my role is only to be a guardian to protect, like angels.
if I could put less of my self in the picture,
and stop being empathetic towards what one self is going through.

What could you gain even if you were to face it.
What could you gain if you were to release from a conditioned structure, roaming in a self constructed labyrinth.
Is happiness the only desire of your existence? If no, why?

I wish it wasn't my story to be told.

I do not want my reasons to be shrewd, like the ones I've witness and contempt.

I weep but I feel like I'm losing myself.



Oh darling,
make it go away.
Just make it go away now.

Thy Act.

You popularized my senses.

What a shame.

Have you comprehend my stance behind the drownage?

No, you have not

You only pretend, you did.

You only wish to beautify your traces,

highly carried and portrayed

the authentic tastes you bare...

What more can mimicry lead you to?

No, I am not a by-product of the constructed messages.

Ring me, 'Truth is Beauty'.