fondle

my breath comes with a slight tint of unjust

for I've never known how to let you go

   you always seem to be easily reached

   a constant, a resemblance

   a moon, an orbit

at ease, you make me feel

each word you say

each prayer you pray




hardly come by




it was love that brought us together

albeit parted by a string of odds

streams will still take its course to the ocean

the world will still take its course to collapse

I can only wish to be as still as a giant

sitting by next to you



sending myself sailing to the sea

where you send yourself off with a will

fishman

I went out to the open sea today

I went out to fish

I went out to face the arbitrary mood swings of what she's going through

I was surprised that I suppressed this little

or rather, I've accepted hurdles to be part of the process


the waves weren't too choppy

just about the right temperature

pillar 36 wasn't our call, but where we were dropped off

just as the school of yellow tail catfish we encountered one after another


the baits we cut and attached

the rising tide

the storm that started up north, then down south

to be sheltered from a pondok

to be sheltered from the bridge I take, every single time I head home

to see the sea birds and little fishes, part of the system

to see floating trash problems often talked about, with a heartache


to smell like sea-salt and sweat

to smell like fish on my fingertips

to play with jellyfishes,gently

to keep my hat on the head when the wind was strong

to imagine anything falling into the sea, myself included

to feel the sun after the rain

to feel heat, reflected from the sea

to be mindful of basic resources like water


to calmly fish a fish out of confident intuition

to make wrong judgement of pulses gauged from the current of the waves

to wind the reel like a clumsy potato

to climb up and down on the little boat

or just being on the surface of the sea, of water



my senses, they overlap

doesn't matter if it was my first or last

it was my present

trophy hunting

feelings published

in its most intimate manner

like a wild game you wish to play

for recreation



a face, an expression so familiar

screenshot and framed

marked as a victory




this is how you wish it would take place

your craft of catch and release

the last words you leave were merely traces

traces you manage to quench

senses on what you could fish from the good game





perhaps my intent of reciprocation

will always be listed on page 1

before any spark was created

my gift has been always yours to take

even before you started luring




perhaps this too, is a goodbye I seek

as you kept and display this story once told

an adornment of your public persona

the least you can do was to keep me well groomed for

this exhibition of success

in your game room


as my pretty head stood by grace

sandwich bite

mouth open wide

as a form of expression of my body

stretching the sides of my lips

revealing a non-sight friendly cavity

indecent,


does one need a stamped culture to invalidate one's behaviour

to justify a state of being


my heartbeat to be held back with a status quo

i am programmed to be a blank canvas

and this many facets that I carry


are they not enough to spark what is that that we both seek?




my gentle being takes to steps back

butter

melt like butter

my love for you encapsulates
a resemblance of a cube

          flavourful

          excitement bound

          alluring


dissolving into liquid

dissolving into fat

dissolving into vapour

          thin air

          an aroma



is my love for you

making love

before it all fades away

perhaps we could go another round

be it passionate, rough

violating

soft and teasing

long as it's the language you speak, I would take it


your thirst, your crave

and your charm



your little foreign nudges

that fire that sips through a bottomless pit


the little things I remember about you is how we land an agreement on something

your pursue on the littlest joy to be satisfied

that look when you claim that you know yourself



and that look when you said goodbye

I could have told you more

but please allow me to reach you through your dreams

something for us to put up for now



and this wait shall be a sweet physical thing

we were already making love, without you realising

as I bit your lips, tender

and kiss your eyes




they were all sign, sealed, delivered




until I see you again

another hundred people

a city of strangers

for no one knew my little secret was to be there to meet you

you know

of all the RPGs I like to play, my favourite would from the third person perspective

that is why I think this song syncs so much in me

so much


it was slightly uncomfortable to be there alone

for I could hear a voice telling me off - reaffirming that it is for myself

that I appear amongst another hundred people in a city like Taipei


we would text to meet and I would find out what is it like to be socially adaptable

meeting you in a foreign land

with butterflies in my stomach

to welcome you as prince charming



how odd it is to be linked by an oboe

in the park...

oh no, it's just me

delusional



thank you for the park

and the subway

I think we had fun

and we lived the moment

it had long gone and I could have clung onto it for a little longer



perhaps one day it'll be natural

look, I'll call you in the morning or my service will explain