trophy hunting

feelings published

in its most intimate manner

like a wild game you wish to play

for recreation



a face, an expression so familiar

screenshot and framed

marked as a victory




this is how you wish it would take place

your craft of catch and release

the last words you leave were merely traces

traces you manage to quench

senses on what you could fish from the good game





perhaps my intent of reciprocation

will always be listed on page 1

before any spark was created

my gift has been always yours to take

even before you started luring




perhaps this too, is a goodbye I seek

as you kept and display this story once told

an adornment of your public persona

the least you can do was to keep me well groomed for

this exhibition of success

in your game room


as my pretty head stood by grace

sandwich bite

mouth open wide

as a form of expression of my body

stretching the sides of my lips

revealing a non-sight friendly cavity

indecent,


does one need a stamped culture to invalidate one's behaviour

to justify a state of being


my heartbeat to be held back with a status quo

i am programmed to be a blank canvas

and this many facets that I carry


are they not enough to spark what is that that we both seek?




my gentle being takes to steps back

butter

melt like butter

my love for you encapsulates
a resemblance of a cube

          flavourful

          excitement bound

          alluring


dissolving into liquid

dissolving into fat

dissolving into vapour

          thin air

          an aroma



is my love for you

making love

before it all fades away

perhaps we could go another round

be it passionate, rough

violating

soft and teasing

long as it's the language you speak, I would take it


your thirst, your crave

and your charm



your little foreign nudges

that fire that sips through a bottomless pit


the little things I remember about you is how we land an agreement on something

your pursue on the littlest joy to be satisfied

that look when you claim that you know yourself



and that look when you said goodbye

I could have told you more

but please allow me to reach you through your dreams

something for us to put up for now



and this wait shall be a sweet physical thing

we were already making love, without you realising

as I bit your lips, tender

and kiss your eyes




they were all sign, sealed, delivered




until I see you again

another hundred people

a city of strangers

for no one knew my little secret was to be there to meet you

you know

of all the RPGs I like to play, my favourite would from the third person perspective

that is why I think this song syncs so much in me

so much


it was slightly uncomfortable to be there alone

for I could hear a voice telling me off - reaffirming that it is for myself

that I appear amongst another hundred people in a city like Taipei


we would text to meet and I would find out what is it like to be socially adaptable

meeting you in a foreign land

with butterflies in my stomach

to welcome you as prince charming



how odd it is to be linked by an oboe

in the park...

oh no, it's just me

delusional



thank you for the park

and the subway

I think we had fun

and we lived the moment

it had long gone and I could have clung onto it for a little longer



perhaps one day it'll be natural

look, I'll call you in the morning or my service will explain

Cinderella

between you and I was a piece of fabric

     snugged us warm and kept us apart

like a comforter over our naked bodies 

slipped between the hours of twilight

a certain temperature

a moment of peace

except that when I took my foot out of the boot

there you lay, upside down

thorax exposed

in a split second I wished you were a moth

regretfully, there were no wing spotted

brown and ugly

almost motionless 

I flipped you out with disgust

you wiggled through my toes

to the side of my foot

I thought I could push you out like a shoe string

it was raining cats and dogs 

almost unavoidable 

I could imagine fluid squished 

nevermind

between you and I was a piece of fabric

     snugged us warm and kept us apart

destruction

I'm sorry I couldn't be attractive in your eyes

I'm sorry I've never came to be desirable

I'm sorry that you couldn't always be here for me

it lurks and never goes away

there must be something wrong with my nose

it must be very ugly


I'm sorry to ring your bell at three

I'm sorry to take up your space to sleep

I'm sorry to rob of your experience you're meant to share with another

I'm sorry I couldn't be a person dear to you


I'm sorry you had to accept my affection

I'm sorry you couldn't do that with a smile

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you everything afterall

I'm sorry I couldn't hurt you to protect myself



I'm sorry I couldn't share your joy

I'm sorry I threw my fat on you

I'm sorry you got impatient with me

I'm sorry you had to put yourself through this

I'm sorry I got worse in communicating

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you how much it hurts

I'm sorry you had to go through the process of abandoning



I'm sorry

I could only say I'm sorry